Incomplete

    You have so much to talk. But you cant simply resume the conversation in the next encounter. You expect the other person to remind you of the incompleteness of your previous conversation. You don’t want to bring up the topic yourself. But you want to discuss it. Your desire for closure is overwhelmed only by the inconvenience caused by the incompleteness of the conversation.

    I have had serious conversations. Some of them are life altering conversations. I had some serious conversations stopped abruptly citing some random reasons. No promise of resuming these conversations. No realization either that how important it is to close the conversation.

    There is chaos everywhere. Hospitals running out of beds and oxygen. Largest religious congregation that redefines chaos is organized in the midst of a bigger chaos only to amplify it. Roads are filled with election rallies. Burial grounds are over crowded. I think it is the first-time people started to differentiate between seeing the pain and experiencing the pain. Difference is, when you see pain, you use it to spread your propaganda or ideology. When you experience pain, you send distress tweets. These are the times that clear the filters on the societal structure. Middle class is an illusion. There are only two groups in this world. Rich and not Rich. Your influence got you VIP tickets for cricket matches, first day first show tickets of your favorite actor, got you a confirmed Tatkal ticket. But your influence couldn’t get you a bed with oxygen supply in any hospital. Do you think you still exist, middle class?

    You found it difficult to breath with a mask. Now you can breathe only with an oxygen mask.

    It is like we both are parting ways. We meet for one final good bye. But our conversation didn’t reach its end and we left. Did we part? Should we realise it later and connect again to say a final good bye? Is it needed? How long after an incomplete conversation should we wait to assume that we have parted ways?

    While you suffer, they were in Maldives. Once they are back, you will use you influence to watch their movies on first day.

    System has always been broken. But your influence helped you navigate it and get things done. But now your influence doesn’t work. Why do we blame system for it? You never voted for a better society, you voted for more powerful influence. You voted for someone from your community or someone who can be useful to you personally. You never expected or wanted your politicians to fix the system. Then why blame them now? Cause you feel helpless that your contacts aren’t working?

Your health is a priority for you. For any government, it is a policy.

    Always have someone to speak and pour your heart to. They are like the hole on top of pressure cooker. You talk once and it can take pressure off your mind and heart. Else, your mind overflows with thoughts and starts spilling your deepest facts onto random people, in small portions. The experience, to be crude, will be like orgasm denial. You have spoken, but you don’t have the satisfaction that you have spoken your heart out. You wont feel lighter in the heart. If you are playing truth or dare, stop asking silly questions. Ask something that helps them to lighten their burden. For example: What is the worst/best thing anyone said to you and why is it so?  Tell us something about you which you haven’t told us so far. Too many people want to speak. Too less people to listen. The scale is skewed.

    It doesn’t matter how you react, life goes on. You can blame yourself for not knowing that your friend is in depression and couldn’t stop them from committing suicide or you can charge 10000rs for 4 km of ambulance service during a pandemic. But what kind of reaction makes you feel alive?

    What will you choose? Happy and dumb or wise and sad. I have already fluctuated once with the answers. First I chose wise and sad, because I felt being dumb is unbearable and will eventually suffer. Later, I changed my answer to happy and dumb since I cant suffer as I am happy. Now, when I think again, what kind of a person are you if you are happy even after knowing you are dumb? But, can your dumb brain ask this question? But then again, what if you are happy but never knew that you are dumb? So, I feel it is not a question of happiness vs sad or dumb vs wise. Your personality will choose an option and you will make peace with whatever option you choose. If not happy, you will atleast feel that you have chosen the less worse option.

People who suffered choose peace, other choose happiness.

Feelings

How do you feel when someone says, we need people like you and then don’t select you?

How do you feel when you realise the best revenge you can have on your friend is give them +4 card when they said “UNO”?

How do you feel when you try to boast of your achievements infront of your friends and they still make fun of you?

How does it feel to be a third wheel in a group of three friends and you can’t leave them because they need you?

How do you feel when people realise that only way they can make you suffer is by suffering themselves and end up punishing themselves? And how long can you care about them and at what price?

How do you know whether a person is emotionless or suppressing his/her emotions?

What do you do with the memories of all unsuccessful plans?

Have you ever gone to a movie with someone just to see how they react as the movie plays?

Never expected that a movie quote can be one big mantra entire world is following since an year. As said in Dunkirk “Hope is a weapon. Survival is victory”. Literally !!

Where was I? Incomplete conversations. If you are discussing any of the above questions, don’t let those conversations be incomplete. As a symbolism, I wanted to leave this incomplete, but I don’t want to be a transmission agent.

 

Fool's Errand

        I always believed that you can never make someone fall in love with you. Love is how you feel about someone. Others can't change it. Because, if you can make someone fall in love with you, someone can also make them fall in love with them.

        This poem is a dedication to all those happy ending stories where people successfully made others fall in love with them and lived happily ever after.

Drowning in the glory of morning sun
lost in its musings after a breakfast quest
dawns upon the little bird 
its time to leave the nest

Nest that has been her home
nest where there is parents' care.
Nest it should leave now
Cause it has grown now

It flew to far off places
met birds of different voices
nest is not home as per wises
until it has a misses

Home hunt takes a detour
to find something unsure
crowns, colours, feathers, voices.. all are great
but fail to make its heart elate

Fool's errand it has become
wings have gotten numb
hope made it look dumb
until a happy voice hit its eardrum

Its chirps echo from happy voice 
soon they sing songs of choice
It found its mate.. happy for its fate
with a shy gait.. it asks for a date

together they eat.. together they roam
when asked to build a home
happy voice sings..
need no home. for I have wings

together they eat.. together they roam
it still dreams of a home
hopeful of destiny
filled with happy matrimony

Seasons come.. seasons go
happy voice sings in happy glow
dreams make way for demons
as they bring fear in tons

But alas, reality is put to test..
as happy voice leaves the nest..
it sings in its memory..
perched on a lonely tree


That is why whenever a lone bird sings.. it is melancholic and feels it is yearning for someone.

ఏమైపోయావు

నన్ను నేను  అసహ్యించుకున్న
నన్ను నేను ఓదార్చుకున్న

ఓ  క్షణం భుజం తట్టుకున్న
మరో క్షణం వెనక్కి తోసుకున్న

ఓ క్షణం తిట్టుకున్న
మరో క్షణం మెచ్చుకున్న

ఓ క్షణం నడుము బిగించా
మరో క్షణం నడుము వాల్చా

ఓ క్షణం ఆశతో పొంగిపోయా
మరో క్షణం నిరాశతో కృంగిపోయా

ఓ క్షణం గమ్యం చూసా
అది మాయమవ్వడమూ చూసా

మరుపు  లేనిదే గమనం లేదు
 అయినా జ్ఞాపకాల  మననం ఆగదు




నిట్టూర్పులతో నిండిన రాత్రులు అడిగాయి
సాధనతో  నిండిన రాత్రులు ఏమైపోయాయ్ అని

భయంతో  నిండిన కలలు అడిగాయి
పసిపాపలా నిదురించిన రోజులు ఏమయ్యాయి అని

ఎప్పుడూ తోడుండే మనోవేదన అడిగింది
మనఃశాంతి నన్ను ఎందుకు వదిలి వెళ్ళింది అని

నా తెలివి మౌనం పాటించింది
ముక్కలైన నా మనసుని చూసి

గమనం సాగని జీవితం అడిగింది
గమ్యాలు ఏమయ్యాయి అని

అద్దంలో ప్రతిబింబం అడిగింది
ఏమైపోయావ్ నువ్వు అని

Empty Shelf

    I am a man of discipline. I like things to be in order and obey the rules. Chaos isn’t my cup of tea. But it doesn’t mean I can’t survive chaos. I create an order out of chaos to survive. We all agree to a fact that everything is in chaos around us. Atleast scientifically, entropy of the Universe increases with every breath you take. It will keep increasing even if you don’t breathe. As a person who is accustomed to creating order out of chaos, chaos never lets me loose my mental balance, unlike many people, who can’t get back or take a longer time to become normal once hit by a chaos. Chaos is my playground.

           People think I am cool headed, but I am not. I am one of the most emotionally reactive persons. It is just that I don’t give a fuck about many things in life so they don’t affect me. And, I feel my emotions are my intimate actions whose audience should be restricted to only those who are extremely close to me.

                You may ask, why the fuck are you telling me all these things? Get to the point. Sure, I can. But what use are mere facts? Only facts can never help you take a decision. Fact is just a statement which hardly takes any time for you to understand. But what matters is the circumstance in which the fact is generated. “Rama killed Ravana” is a fact. You can make nothing out of this statement and hence you cannot form an opinion out of this fact. For you to gain a perspective or form your own opinion of this incident, you should know who are Rama and Ravana and what made Rama kill Ravana. I am telling all these things to point out the importance of understanding the characters and circumstances before knowing the facts. Once you know the facts, it doesn’t matter if Rama killed Ravana or vice versa. You have formed an opinion on what should be done and once the fact is introduced all you have to do it is to categorize it as right action or wrong action. My apologies for deviating from the main topic, but you cannot be emotionally attached to mere facts without knowing the circumstances. That is why people who are at higher positions and take decisions merely based on factual numbers can never really understand the impact of their decisions or why their decisions worked or failed. Once you understand the circumstance and pick up on whose side you are, the fact “Rama killed Ravana” will either make you happy or sad. So, it is important to understand characters before looking at their actions and passing judgements.

            Coming to the topic, I stay alone and one of the advantages is, I can keep my home in whatever way I want it. And I want it neat and ordered. I like my home to be spacious so I try to have minimal furniture. I keep things in my home in orderly fashion which is considered a sin among single people. There are many shelves in my home and all of them are filled be one or other stuff. When I randomly open any shelf, I know what to expect inside it and how is the stuff arranged in it. Out of all the shelves, there is one shelf to which I am particularly attached to. I store all my precious and important stuff in that shelf. There is a memory attached to each item present in that shelf.

                One fine day, I woke up and opened the shelf. It is empty. I know it should be shocking to me. But I am not that type of writer where I build suspense to reveal a fact. What people fail to realise is the best suspense is the one where facts are revealed without any suspense – where things happens when no one is expecting it to happen. If you try to build up suspense, audience will understand that something is going to happen. They just don’t know yet what is going to happen. But they are prepared for whatever suspense you are going to show. Also, I said, I create order out of chaos, I was confident that I can create an order, so I wasn’t shocked.

               First question that comes to anyone’s mind is, how did it happen? I don’t care about this question because, it has happened and we can’t reverse it. Second question- did I lose anything important. Yes, My Everything. Third, is there anything I can do about it? Nothing. Accept that I have lost it and I have to move on. Should be an easy task for someone like me who can tweak chaos and create an order out of it. I too thought so.

                Now the fact – All shelves except one shelf is filled with things. Tell this fact to someone with OCD and watch them go mad. I don’t have OCD. But I started to have this inconvenient feeling whenever I realise this fact. On top of it, this inconvenient feeling reminds me of the precious stuff I lost. First of all, the sadness of losing things. They are not just any things. I had put considerable efforts and spend time to collect those things. I am extremely attached to them. Whenever I look at the shelf, I get a feeling that the empty shelf is a vacuum and it is trying to suck me bit my bit into vacuum.

                 After going through this psychological turmoil for some days, I decided to put something in the shelf. I started to search for things to be put into it. Anything I came across doesn’t seem like it deserves a spot in the shelf – based on its previous occupants. Here I have two options – Put some junk in it and reduce its value and pacify the psychological disturbance to an extent or keep suffering till I find something worthy of having a place in that shelf. We all have shelves. We all try to fill them. What option will you choose?

P.S: I am interested in questions which either don’t have an answer or for which anyone can have their own answer.

P.P.S: May be continued!

నా ఉనికి

గెలుపే లేని సమరం
అలుపెరగని రుధిరం
ఓటమి కానరాని పయనం
చేసేదెలా, ఆపేదెలా

గేలుపూ లేదు, ఓటమీ లేదు
ఎందుకనీ ఈ యుద్ధం
అలుపు లేదు .. కునుకు లేదు..
ఎందుకనీ ఈ యదార్ధం

అలసిన కనులు.. అప్రమత్తం చేయగా..
బెదిరిన చేతులు.. కత్తి దూయగా..
పదాలు ముందడుగు వేయగా..
గుండెల్లో ఆక్రోశం వెల్లువేతేనే..

ఇందుకోసం.. ఎవరి కోసం..
ఈ గెలుపెరగని సమరం..
అంతులేని యుద్ధం..

చుట్టూ ప్రపంచం..
మరుకోమారు.. మారగా..
ఏది నిజమందుకు..? ఏది భ్రమ అందువు..?
ఈ నిర్విరామ సంఘర్షణ లో.. ఎన్నని గుర్తుంచుకుంటావు?

ఎన్నని గుర్తుంచుకోను..
లోకాలు మారిన.. కాలాలు మారిన..
పొంచి ఉన్న ప్రమాదం మీద పడక తప్పదు..
ఎదురించి పోరాడక తప్పదు..

నేను.. నా ప్రమాదం...
ఇదే నా ఉనికి..
నా ఉనికే నా ఆలోచన.. నా కర్తవ్యం..

లోకము నెంచక..
చుట్టూ చూడక..
అలుపెరగని కనులతో..
గురి తప్పని కారములతో..
నా ఉనికి కొరకై... నా కొరకై..
నా ఈ యుద్ధం.. ఓటమి ఎరుగని యుద్ధం..

P.S: Something I wrote when I was in a different plane of consciousness!!
P.P.S: Used third party tool for generating transcript in Telugu. If you see any mistake, just accept that my Telugu is AWESOME.

Thoughts of a Phoenix

        You call me magic. You say that I am not natural. You wonder at my death and birth. How do you decide that I am not natural? How do you decide what is natural and what is not? It is only the difference in amount of information you have about your birth and my birth. But what is it that surprises you – my birth or death or their duality? I am born from my own ashes and it is a spectacle to witness for you. You cannot explain it and you call it a miracle, So, I am here to let you into my mind and deconstruct the process that goes on in my mind in creating a visual grandeur for your eyes (not mine).

        Let me begin by putting forward some facts about me. I may look magical, but I am like any other natural creature. At the same time, it is not easy being me - self -immolating yourself in a fire you created for yourself and giving birth to a new you. If this makes me unnatural, then you are wrong. I, like every other creature, live a normal life and go through all physical and mental emotions. What you have to know is there is physical process for the birth of every creature in this world. You have more information about other creatures than mine. Your lack of information doesn’t make me unnatural. Moreover, you do not know enough about other creatures to create a new life by yourself. May be one day your knowledge will evolve and learn more about my birth.

        There is a reason for the birth of every creature in this world - the physical reason of birth. Let us not get into the theist ideology or so-called God’s will here, because to do that, first we have to prove our capability of debating on this topic which is not possible since there are no metrics defined yet to measure anyone’s capability to discuss about God. But, there can be only one biological reason for birth, so let us stick to it. We all know female and male union at appropriate time is the genesis for the birth of a creature. So, a decision is taken by two creatures and it is implemented. But, in my case it is different. Since my reason is not same as the reason for normal birth, you call it magical? You see, I have to take a decision on when to die and be re-born again. So, for you, it is a decision on when to give birth and for me, it is a question of when to die. Does it ever come to your mind on why I want to die and be re-born again? What must be going on in my mind during the whole process? How many of you actually plan your death?

        What would have prompted me to start the fire in first place? Did I choose to die because I am eager about new life or was I fed up with old life? Did it ever occur to your mind that my birth may be one of my unsuccessful attempts to kill myself? These questions are not just about me. If you think through it, these questions apply to you too – to the phoenix in you. To all those people who are trying to reinvent yourself or start afresh, you are also a phoenix, trying to be reborn from the ashes of your past. So, these are the questions everyone must make an attempt to answer as these questions define the purpose of phoenix in you. To make this monologue meaningful to you, let us analyse these ideas from a human’s point of view on what made him or her reinvent themselves and how they do it.

WHY, HOW AND WHAT?

        So, let me begin from the scratch. Why do I have to die or is it why do I want to die? Everyone has their reasons for wanting a change. Phoenix rebirth is the Fresh Slate everyone is desperate to get their hands on, including CatWoman in The Dark Knight Rises. Buy why do you need to start things afresh? Or why do you need to end current life? What is the problem with some habits, memories, thoughts, dreams and things from past? Also, does phoenix start afresh after rebirth? Do I still have memories of my past life after rebirth or do I take birth like any new born baby?

        Let us analyse why you want to stop living the current life. There can be two reasons why you would like to kill yourself – desire to start afresh or to stop living current life. Both these reasons are actually different, though the outcome is same. Let us take a look at it one after the other.

        The desire to start new comes when you realise you can’t reach your goal with the way things are going currently. You don’t dislike your current life. It is just that your ultimate goal is important for you. You might have goals like healthy lifestyle, wealth, fame, etc. that require lifestyle changes. But what goal can an eternal being like me have? So, you see, a phoenix dies only if it is done with current life. You become a phoenix when you have an urge to stop living the current life and reinvent yourself. In the previous case, your goal made you choose rebirth, but in this case, it is the current life that is making you choose rebirth. You want to leave the current life behind and start everything new.

        But why do you want to leave your current life behind and tread into unknown territory where you have no idea how you will turn out to be? Is it the unfulfilled dreams or the realisation that you set an unrealistic goal for yourself? I will not list out all the reasons, but you make sure you know your reasons. Knowing your reasons is very important to proceed towards further analysis. You need not share your reasons with me. Just keep them at the back of your mind when you read further. Yes, I know this reminder is not necessary. I am asking you to remember those reasons that don’t let you sleep for months. But, always keep in mind that Rebirth is possible only when you become important to yourself. If you still have things that have higher priority over yourself, then you are not ready for it.

        Now, you have your reasons. But, is rebirth an easy task? Or is it even a difficult task? Is it actually possible for Man to create something new? Man never created anything. He just modified nature to his needs. So, creation is a task which man has never done before. So, how do you proceed with this task? What? First step is the death? You want to follow the method of Phoenix? Then, we have to define death. How do we define it? You want me to define it by drawing parallels with physical death? When you die, you leave everything at once. One moment you are breathing and you have everything, next moment your breathing stops and you leave everything.  Is it possible to give up everything that you want to leave behind just like that? There are many things that won’t let you die, the very things that are the reason for your decision to take a re-birth. It doesn’t matter how weak your memory, you cannot forget your past so easily. And it is the past, that you wish to bury, so that you can create future on its grave. So, how do you bury your past? First, you try to give up every physical thing that might bring your past back. Physical things are easiest and fastest to handle. Now you have nothing in your surroundings that remind you of your past. But the task is not done yet. It is more difficult to forget now since you are on full focus onto something which you want to forget. That is nature laughing at your feeble attempts to compete with it in the task of creation.  So, how do you lose your memories and experiences? It is those memories that are driving you to take a rebirth. But the irony is, they are the same memories that are unwilling to die.

        Let me tell you the secret of killing your memories. You don’t kill memories, they don’t die. But you do something more brutal. You make them meaningless. They were meaningful in the past, but not anymore. If you can understand this statement you will question yourself – Is rebirth actually worth it? You will start having second thoughts about the whole idea of rebirth. This is the same advice Jon Snow received when he was told to “Kill the boy”. You make your past meaningless in the present so that you stop pursuing them and pursue something more meaningful.

         But, how do you make something meaningless which till recently gave meaning to your life? You will also be breaking the trust your past has on you. So, how do you do it without hurting yourself? It is same as me asking how I can take rebirth without burning myself. There is a way you can achieve it. But it is not applicable for all cases. You try to create a dis-connect between your past and future. Make yourself believe that your past, though beautiful will not help you in your future. Lie to your past. Shed some tears and burn the bridges with your past. But, what if you have no plans for your future? You are running away from your past but you do not know what you are running towards. You don’t have an idea of how your future should be? Most of us are stuck here for the rest of their lives – bridges burnt in one direction and clueless in another direction. Desire to run away from past and being clueless on where to go makes us wander aimlessly in the company of our past. This last statement is the inception of many great arts. All tragic characters in Shakespeare and Tagore can be explained with this single statement.

        Like any business strategy theory, all looks well on paper and easily achievable. But the complexity is not revealed unless you implement it. Even the theorists know this fact and hence they restrict themselves to giving ideas and solutions but not contribute towards implementing them. This is a fine strategy of making your past meaningless to move into the future. But how do you do it? There are many ways and no one can come up with an exhaustive list. You have to follow an approach which works for you. The easiest and the worst way is to start hating your past. Once you hate it, it becomes meaningless. Or you can comfort yourself saying things like, you have to give up something to gain something, or keep saying yourself that you don’t deserve the past and hence don’t want it in your future and many more ways to convince yourself. But, keep in mind that how you burn your bridges will influence your decision on how you want your future to be. May be someday I will speak in detail about the whole process involved in burning the bridges. Let me complete this part by telling you a fact about past. Past haunts.

        Now, what do you do after you make your past meaningless? Where do you start and how do you start afresh? Also, is it a fresh start? Do I forget everything about my past when I am reborn or is it just moving into a fresh skin? I will tell you how to start fresh. It is similar to trying a new dress. First step is to decide the dress you want to try. You shortlist 2-3, in this case life styles. Try these life styles, nothing extravagant. Just try to live the life of a normal person. Remember that you are in a trial room trying out new cloths. Introspect yourself if you are feeling alive even remotely. If no, then change the dress. Else stick to it. Now, you have to settle down into that lifestyle – like getting into the skin of the character. This will take considerable amount of time. Depending on how well you burnt your bridges this might take months or years. Once you are comfortable in your cloths, it is time to flaunt them and do your adventure stuff. You have become a new you.

        But, are you happy with your new you? It doesn’t matter since you don’t have any other option to stay alive. So, do not try to search an answer for this question. Right question is, are you at peace with your new you. Like Maslov’s hierarchy of needs, what you want keeps evolving with time and experiences. When you are kid you wanted to enjoy freedom like an adult, when you are in your teens you want success, when you are in your youth, you want happiness and satisfaction. I cannot guarantee if you will achieve all those which you wished for and worked for, but what I can guarantee you is there is something you will want in your life for which you will be ready to sacrifice everything else. And that is Peace! Being re-born is all about achieving this Peace.

P.S: I have started this blog with an idea of a certain emotion and wanted to narrate it through Phoenix. But as time evolved, my emotion evolved and also my circumstances. So, somewhere in the narration, I have deviated from that emotion because it was part of the bridge. I tried my best to give it a flow, but if you still see a disconnect, I accept it.

నా ప్రపంచం

నాలో ప్రపంచం , నా ప్రపంచం
నా ఒంటరితనం , నా స్వాతంత్రం
వేల మందలో ఒంటరిని నేను
ఒంటరి నేను , ఆనందం నేను

నా ప్రపంచానికి ఊపిరి పుస్తకాలు
నా ఆలోచనలకి ఇంధనం పుస్తకాలు
బాహ్య ప్రపంచానికి దారులు ఈ పుస్తకాలు
నాలో ప్రపంచానికి మార్గదర్శకాలు పుస్తకాలు

గమ్యం లేని ప్రయాణాలెన్నో
అడుగులు తడబడిన క్షణాలెన్నో
ప్రతీ అడుగు ప్రపంచ దర్శనానికే
ప్రతీ దర్శనం , నా ప్రపంచపు దాహం తీర్చడానికే

ఆనందం కోసం వెతుకులాట
నా ప్రపంచం ముంగిట్లో ముగుస్తుంది
నా ఆనందానికి కారణం నా ప్రపంచం
నా ఆనందానికి చిరునామా నా ప్రపంచం

ఆస్తికుడను కాను , నాస్తికుడను కాను
దేవుడి గురించి ఆలోచించను , చర్చించను
బాహ్య ప్రపంచపు పోకడలకు చలించను
సముద్రం తడపలేని తామరాకును నేను

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ఎక్కడి నుంచో వచ్చింది ఆ మేఘం
చూడగానే మనసు మురిసిపోయింది
తన చినుకుల్లో నన్ను తడిపేసింది
ఊసెరుగని వింత ఆనందాన్ని పరిచయం చేసింది

మదిలో చిన్న ఆశ
నా ప్రపంచానికి తనని పరిచయం చెయ్యాలని
తన జడివానతో నా ప్రపంచాన్ని తడిపెయ్యాలని
ఆశే తపనై నా ప్రపంచపు తలుపులు తెరిసింది

వెర్రి వాడిని .. సముద్రం తడపలేదని విర్రవీగా
చిన్ని మేఘానికే తడిసిపోయా
పసి పాపలా వర్షంలో గంతులేసా
అంతెరుగని ఆనందంలో చిందులేసా

ఈ ఆనందం శాశ్వతం అనుకున్నా
మేఘాల లక్షణం మర్చిపోయా
తన ప్రస్థానానికి గమ్యం నేననుకున్నా
ఒక మజిలీగా మిగిలిపోయా

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నాలో ప్రపంచం , నా ప్రపంచం 

నా ఒంటరితనం , నా శాపం 

వేల మందలో ఒంటరిని నేను 

ఒంటరి నేను ,ఒంటరిని నేను

 

గమ్యం లేని ప్రయాణాలు 

అలుపెరగని ప్రయాసలు 

అన్నీ .. ఆవేదనని దాచడానికి 

అన్నీ .. ఆనందం కోసం వెతుకులాటలే 

ఆనందం కోసం ఈ వెతుకులాట 

ఏ ముంగిట్లో ముగుస్తుందో ?

నా ఆవేదనికి కారణం నా ప్రపంచం 

నాలో వేదనకి చిరునామా నా ప్రపంచం 

తడిసిన నా ప్రపంచాన్ని ఓదార్చేది ఎలా ?

కోలుకుంటుంది అనుకున్న నా ప్రపంచం 

జారిన నా కన్నీటిలో మళ్లీ తుడుస్తుంటే 

కన్నీటి ధారని ఆపేది ఎలా ?

తడిసిన నా ప్రపంచాన్ని ఓదార్చాలా ?

లేక సమాధి చేసి నన్ను నేను కోల్పోవాలా ?

ఎన్నో ప్రశ్నలు .. అన్నింటి లక్ష్యం ఒక్కటే 

చేజారిన ఆనందాన్ని నా ప్రపంచానికి మళ్లీ పరిచయం చేసేది ఎలా ?

Arjun Reddy : The Ultimate Fantasy

        Strip down all your cloths and accessories - everything and anything that is man made- and stand in front of a mirror. The creature that you see in the mirror is what you are, the image society is trying to hide from you since innumerable centuries. Strip down all your sophistications, you are one of the creatures of this nature. You are supposed to live a natural life and play your part in Darwin's theory of evolution - That 'you' is Arjun Reddy. He is in every creature of this planet. But, at the same time, he is no more in every creature.

        Arjun Reddy is the main character in the movie Arjun Reddy. It is advertised as the story of a college student who has anger management issues. But Arjun Reddy character is more than that. To give an overview of story-line, he is best at whatever he does - academics, sports, love and even best at living life of a love failure.

        From the story point of view, I did not find anything that can create such a havoc. There is something other than story that made audience like the movie. Though everyone who watched the movie say that acting is good, direction is good, etc., I did not find the justification enough to explain the response for the movie. Industry veterans are comparing the movie's craze with the 1989 SIVA. There should be something more the movie has achieved that made it a hit. It showed us what we truly are - raw emotions - and if applied brain for a moment, we also realize how far away we are from our true selves.

        It is your story if there has never been something called as "Govern-mentality" by Foucault. Arjun Reddy is someone who fails to understand rules. He only respects nature and thinks that following nature is the only way of life.

        We, humans, are slowly killing our emotions. We do it first by categorizing emotions into good and bad. Bad is bad, so we try our best not to show those bad emotions. So, we are half successful in killing our emotions just by categorizing them as bad. "Anger Management Issues" seems to be a major problem when spoken about a person. But what that person is trying to do is merely portray his or her natural emotion. But we tag it as an unacceptable emotion. But, is there an alternate emotion that can replace anger? We humans, through centuries have set up rules for ourselves to "not to do or not to be" in a particular way in a situation. But there is no rule saying how to behave in various situations. Because emotions are mutually exclusive, you can not replace one emotion with another.

        In the movie, society treats Arjun Reddy as a person who is having anger management issues. Society failed to domesticate him. That is where audience tries to see themselves in him. Every time you had to control your emotion because of societal pressures, you actually wanted to be Arjun Reddy. Animals do not laugh. You do not want a smiling game with your opponents. You want to win what you feel is yours at whatever cost. When you enter any event where there is competition, you want to go back to Darwin's world of "survival" of fittest, not fittest is the "winner". You want to win by surviving. If winner "survives" at the end, you can only imagine the situation of the one who lose the battle. But, society has made you to cheer, clap and show good gestures to your opponents. Deep down these domesticated stuff do not make you feel alive. It is the adrenaline rush that makes you feel alive. The animal in you that makes you feel alive. Arjun Reddy lived that life - the life we only dream but are never able to.

        Arjun Reddy proclaims to everyone who her mate is - typical to animal kingdom. In animal kingdom, males try to impress the females and the female chooses the most impressive one. But, in humans, females are treated as property. They are to be possessed. They are to be taken care of. He claims ownership on her among other males and decimates the competition. And then he tries to impress her. Even his display of love is animalistic. There is no way one animal can show love to another animal without physical touch. It is we humans with our consumeristic minds created different ways of showing love. Love can be shown in only one way and he does that. But, society has put restrictions on the only one true way of showing love and made it a taboo. As said, society failed to tame him, so he does what is natural to any creature. Our minds are currently governed in such a way that, we are planning something so natural like child birth. Arjun Reddy tries to conveys the same message to the modern humans when his brother says they are not planning kids for another 2 years, that kids should happen naturally, out of love.

        Female animals like to be won as a contest among males. Arjun Reddy is someone who would win any contest. This part of my blog might have some controversial statements, but they are true. We are the nearest to our animal selves when we are young - from adolescent till society starts to put burden on us. Any love story that happens at this time is purely animalistic - raw and without constraints. Qualities girls expect in their boyfriend are diagonally opposite to qualities that they expect in their husband. They like adventurous boyfriends but stable husbands, because love is natural and marriage is a societal invention. Requirements change with age-only among domesticated humans. One age, you need adrenaline rush and at other age you need stable life. In this regard, Arjun Reddy is dream boyfriend for any girl - when she is nearest to her animal self. So, no wonder college going female audience going gaga over the movie.

        Arjun Reddy despises all man-made modern "controllable" emotions. Family planning doesn't make any sense to him. Typical nostalgic feelings at the end of college life irritates him. He understands the nature created relationship between love and physical intimacy. So, to move away from love, he tries to get intimate with others. Even after living such a disconnected life with modern humans, he knows that the core of human nature doesn't change and hence the realization that his father misses his grand mother more than himself.

        Arjun Reddy is topper in college, champion in sports. He has clarity on what he is doing in life. Being an MBBS student and knowing the harmful effects of smoking, he still doesn't stop smoking. This portrays his risky nature and his preferring risks to controlling his natural desires. Did psychology tell that the more riskier the opposite sex is, the more attracted you are to them? For him "I" matters. Everything else is secondary. He is an individualist. He accepts the fact  that smoking is dangerous and doesn't try to dodge it. The only thing he is proud of is his career which is a result of his own hard work. He is an ideal hero of Ayn Rand. No wonder RGV liking the movie. The movie is highly unrealistic and at the same time, gives you a feeling that it could have been your story, if only for the successful domestication of society. Speak of paradox ! To be Arjun Reddy is frustrated modern man's ultimate fantasy.

        To domesticate a person, give them responsibilities. The intelligence of the story teller is displayed by his choice of positioning the end of the story. Arjun Reddy takes up the responsibility of the family. Movie ends well before Arjun Reddy experiencing the consequences of his responsibilities. I am very much interested in the response of audience if a sequel is made where we see a domesticated Arjun Reddy. 

P.S: There are many other things that make the movie kick-ass, but they are out of scope of my analysis. E.g: portraying Arjun's life as a love failure, characterization of his friends. 

P.P.S: You called it a coward's love story when the Man in the relationship failed to show spine. You call it male masculinity glorifying movie when Woman in the relationship failed to show some spine. It is no more a meme joke. You cant argue with feminazi. 

WARNING: DO NOT TRY TO REMAKE THE MOVIE. Movie worked only because of the team. Strip them off, it is empty.

Series: Into the wild. Chapter 1. Goa : Beaches and Forests

        I have been to many treks, but Goa trek organised by YHAI is a special one. It is a different kind of adventure for me. Trek itself was not an adventure, but reaching the base camp was. I have never travelled alone to any place on my first visit. I always had company. I have never been to Goa. So, reaching base camp in Goa has become an adventure for me. Venturing into a new territory has always been my biggest fear. New territory can be anything; work, art, fun activity, hobby, place, etc.

        I had to travel in three trains to reach Madgao. First train is from Chennai to Bangalore. I reached Bangalore by 5am and went to Anudeep's place. We met after a long time. We had some, as usual, personal conversations. Our work life didnt let us meet frequently. But nothing changed between us. Situations like these make me realise how lucky I am to have such friends. I boarded the train to Hubli at 2 PM and reached by 10PM. By far, Hubli is the most beautiful railway station I have seen. It is clean, spacious and has less human presence.

        My train to Madgao was supposed to depart at 11PM, but departed only after 12AM. I reached my destination after 8 AM - three hours late. Train moved through dense forest like any toy train in a hill station. The scenic beauty was worth getting lost in. For the first time, I didnt curse the train for being late. For a moment, I forgot my fears too. Madgao to basecamp is 40kms. In this journey I found that Goa is green and peaceful. I wondered why this part of Goa is not covered in movies. "Finding Fanny" did it to an extent. The bus I boarded dropped me at the entrance of the street that leads to base camp. But I didnt know that. Google Maps showed youth hostel is 1.5kms away. Moreover, I had to wait for my friend, Abhilash. He would arrive only after 11am. I was skeptical if I will be allowed to go out of the camp once I report at the camp. As the place looked serene, I decided to take a walk. I came across Barista and had coffee. The shop owner was decorating the shop for Christmas and New Year. Whole Goa was in festive mood. 

        I followed Google Maps and ended up in a deserted area. I enquired one of the passers by. He said I have to go back to the place where I came from. I was lucky to get lift in the hot climate. I kept my luggage at reception and roamed around. I, along with Abhilash, reported at the base camp at 12:30PM.

        Inside the tent - allotted to us - there is a mini India. People from Hyderabad, Bangalore, Pune, Delhi and Jammu were there. The guy from Jammu is Anwar ( Special mention because, he is the first person I am meeting who is from J & K). After lunch, me and Abhilash rented a bike and went around the city. Later Anwar bhai joined us. We asked a petrol bunk guy for his advice on what to do if police caught us driving triples. He said " Dont Stop the bike. Shout Happy New Year and keep going". And we did the same!!

       On day 1, we had an early morning warmup followed by rock climbing and Rappelling classes. Though I climbed small rocks during treks, I never tried rock climbing. I was afraid that I might not be able to do it. But the atmosphere was so energetic that I couldn't stop trying. And I did it successfully.

        Trek started with two day walk along the beaches of Goa. Though beaches are filled with tourists and shacks, they are cleaner than beaches in Chennai. I always find ocean to be a serene place to sit and wander in my thoughts. Sitting in the beach at sunset and watch kids playing is the best experience beach can give me. May be a candle light dinner with the loved one in the beach will also be equally blissful. Since it was festival season, our search for fish - at reasonable price - went in vain as the prices were up by more than 10 times . On the second night we stayed at a - supposed to be - haunted house and that is the only night in the whole trip where I had good sleep. 

        Most of the second day of trek I spent in the company of a differently-abled person. I was apprehensive of my ease to communicate with him. But we began to express each other in such a clear manner that the communication was like any other normal conversation. He is an athlete. So I had to put effort to keep pace with him. Eventually, even after taking long breaks in between, we ended up reaching the camp 2 hrs earlier than other participants. 

        Next day we started our journey into the forest - place where I find solitude and inner peace. We began playing music from our phones for some time. "Manali trance" has almost become the theme song of the trek. When I came across the first stream of the day, I changed from shoes to floaters. Water in the stream was crystal clear and cold. Sitting on the bank with bare foot in those waters is called experiencing bliss. If you sit for enough time without disturbing the water flow, you might end up getting a fish spa too. On the whole we came across 5 streams that day and each one was a treat for  both - tired legs and a desperate heart that is in search of some peaceful place to get lost in random thoughts. Once we reached the camp we went for a shower in the stream nearby - the only shower I ( most of the others too) took during the whole trek. I went into the stream and laid myself on the stony water bed resting my head on a stone.Chilly water,  added to a low temperature made it more challenging to lie down. 

        I always thought that I could never come across someone who is like me. People around me find me abnormal. Most of the times what appears normal behaviour to others seems absurd to me, what seems normal to me is weird to others. What other find as fun turns out to be a boring or purposeless task to me. In this trek, I came across someone who thinks like me and more importantly, who experiences things the way I experience. All the treks I have been to, I have not found anyone who tries to experience things the way I experience. I agree, everyone's experience is unique. What was an awesome experience to me turns out to be a trivial experience for others. In a campfire, people talk to each other, play games, etc.. but I prefer to lie back and gaze at the night sky. While most of the people socialise and click pics during trek, I prefer to stay silent and if possible, sit in silence and look at the vast stretch of land spread infront of me. It doesnt mean that I dont socialise, but I prefer silence at some places where most of the people find it apt to socialise. So most of the times people found me weird or a calm personality. In this trek, I find someone else who feels the same. I was happy to find someone to whom I can express my thoughts without speaking. We knew what was going on in each other's mind. We spent lot of time together in silence. But we knew about each other a lot by the end of the trek.

        Another rule we strictly followed was " What happens in the tent, stays in the tent". Trek can take a break at the end of the day, but not fun. There were times when we laughed for no reason. We spent most nights blabbering some useless stuff. It was fun. No, lets speak truth now. Most of us didnt sleep because rest of them were snoring. :P

       Everyday, during the trek, we used to take small breaks. But the last day was worse. We trekked in a dense forest where we couldnt find any place to sit. The trail was so thin that two people couldnt walk side by side. So after straight 9 km walk when we reached the end of trek, people threw their bags and slept on the road. Later, we boarded the bus to base camp.

There are experiences in this trek which I fail to articulate. There are experiences which I can try to articulate. But, this blog is already due for a long time. So, I end it here. 

Notable things in trek: This is a very big list. But I will list only some .

1. shooting stars: Even in thick fog, we didnt give up. He stretched our neck and kept staring at sky until we found a shooting star. And we did.

2.The day after we finished trek, we went in search of pizza. This time google maps didnt ditch me. We really looked like a bunch of people who were starving.

3. Two days of walk along the beaches in GOA. We covered almost 25kms of coastline .

4. lying -almost naked- on stone bed of a stream with cold water. Your body becomes numb, but you still enjoy the pleasure.

5. KFC on the last of trek. Expression of bliss on Hemant's face is priceless.

6. People are amazing. I mean people we have not met before. Special mention to anwar, hemant, harsh(amazing ppl)

7. another special mention to pppunnnnjjjaaaabbbbbiiii akanksha (How Ruuuuudeeee!!!)

8. One more special mention to aanchal, abhilash, praveen, pawan,aditya,bhawna,daksh ( u see i have to give special mention to most of them)

9. I dont want to give any special mention to kiran anna. (spend with him for 30 mins. later every conversation seems dirty )

10. Our Team leader Sudhir ji.. He is wikipedia of old songs.

11. Popli sir and mahesh. Awesome people these two are.
12. Hot gulab jamuns on a cold night in deep forest.

Some visuals from the trek:

Mirage Of Thoughts

    What is the purpose of people in our lives? We meet people daily-some we already met, some we never met, some we might be meeting for the last time and there are a few whose next meeting cant be predicted. People enter our lives- as teammates, as classmates, as colleagues, as competitors, as co-passengers, through mutual friends, accidental encounters, etc. There are many ways through which they enter and different ways through which they leave our lives.

    People enter our lives to play different roles- a friend, a rival, partner, a well wisher, a crush, sibling, relative, etc.. These roles may change over time depending on the interactions we have with one another. It is because of these people and for these people we tend to do undertake many activities. Most importantly, we spend our time and in some cases, build an emotional attachment with them. We slowly move into a situation where we depend on these people, especially for mental and emotional satisfaction. We need these people's approval, praise and jealousy to feed our ego. Some are so deep into this that they prefer possessing things that cause jealousy among others to things they like-even if it is a life partner. Shakespeare said all the world's a stage and these people become the stage. A stage should complement an artist's role, but in this case, it decides the role. I am not complaining. I have not revealed the purpose of bringing this topic up yet. For Example, people who succumb to this kind of peer pressure desire to own a  DSLR and end up taking pictures in auto mode. I accept I am pointing out the extreme cases and that is my intention too. Now, let me explain a casual relation we have with people. You spend time with people. You create memories which you would love to cherish(yes, love to cherish). You make good friends, compatible business partners, you have siblings who miss you when you are not with them. You are happy when you are with people.

    So far was a prologue. What if these people start moving away from your life, in many different ways and for many different reasons? How do you feel if you are not as important to these people as they are to you? You end up with a different emotion and a different conclusion based on the manner in which they leave.

    Death - the only way in which people can leave you and never come back into your life again. You miss them and you can do nothing about it except move on.You blame god for their absence in your life and if you are an atheist, you don't even have that option. Stories that end without a conclusion are the most disturbing ones and death gives you one such end. You attempt to give a conclusion to it.You try to reason yourself with that conclusion. But you know it doesn't help. We eventually learn that life is not a fairy tale. If the person is very dear to you, you feel a void in you that is sucking rest of you into it, leading you into a depression. You feel your suffering is not justified. But there is no place for justice in such endings. Justice is better left to stories.

    People who have come together to achieve something will have to part after accomplishing the task. It is inevitable. When they are together, they develop a bond with each other. Once they part, some will continue to stay in the same locality while others may move to far off places. Thanks to social networking sites, distance is never an issue if you want to keep in touch with someone. Generally these kinds of partings start with a celebration. We know, we will miss them, but we also know that we will have to move on if we have to chase our dreams. But not everyone makes an attempt at keeping in touch with others. There are people who get in touch with you at least once in a week. On the other hand, there are people who merely respond to you, but never make an attempt by themselves to get in touch with you or even drop a birthday message. How many people in your Facebook friends list drop birthday wishes on your wall? But, these are the same people with whom you, once upon a time, celebrated birthdays, attended parties, shared your problems, debated over issues, etc.. What could be the reason for which they ignore you? Leave it. Its not my concern. But the question is : How does it feel whenever you recollect the past you shared with them? You can say this issue is not worth discussing as people move on and I too should move on. Of course, I agree that it is the eventual conclusion of every discussion here. Also, is moving on so easy? If only it were so, there would have be no Shakespeare and no Tagore.

    And then, there is another breed of people. These are your friends and who come across you regularly. Whenever and wherever you meet, there is a high probability of having a coffee with them. But then, those coffees disappear as time progresses. Then comes a stage where your conversations don't last even a minute. By the time the tree changes its leaves, you barely manage to exchange smiles. The final stage is where you both end up as strangers. Isn't it supposed to be a journey from stranger to friend? Why is it the other way?

    The general reason given for it is because you have been dropped down in their priorities list, there is a change in behavior pattern. Another reason might be there was no friendship in first place, only acquaintance. You spent time together due to external reasons. And some people tend to fake their role seriously and try to add some of their own flavor to it.

People wear the mask of friend instead of being one for two reasons:

1. To create a fake profile to the world, that they are friendly creatures. I am an introvert. So, I never dared being friendly with anyone for any reason other than my wish to make friends. What do people gain by projecting themselves as a friendly personalities when they don't want to be friends? Is it a desire to acquire a tag as "friendly" in their social circle? This direction of thought will lead to where I started this- depending on people to tell who we are or pretending to be something we are not, so the world builds you a fake but glorious profile for others to see and admire. Or is it that they don't know the difference between a friend and an acquaintance?

2. They need you. People who do not love themselves cant stay alone for a long time. They need people around them, sometimes just to prove that they exist. They cant go out by themselves and have a cup of coffee. They need(not want) company. So, they put the needed effort to make you feel that they are treating you as a friend. But, when times comes to move on, you are replaced by some one else.

    Everyone in your life fits into one of the above categories. But, apart from the above mentioned, there are another kind of people who stand for true meaning of a friend. It doesn't matter when you meet them or how rarely you meet them, they will always be there for you. Weeds are seasonal, but trees are everlasting. I have friends whom I meet often and some whom I seldom meet. But whenever me meet, it is as if nothing has changed between us. Cherish them as long as you can and never lose them.But the trick is, you feel most of the people around you come under this category. But is it really so? As long as these people are in your life, you cannot differentiate them without growing a suspicious mind. You can choose either of the two options. Take life as it comes, people come and go and you remain with memories.  Or grow a suspicion, move away from people whose memories are not worth your time.

    But, life is not as simple as I make it sound like. Everyone we meet cannot be a friend. You don't get to choose what kind of people you should meet and more importantly, you cannot decide who should stay in your life.

    My intention is not to point out a may or may not exist problem and provide a solution to it. My concern is about the people around you and what they do in your life, not what you should be doing with them. I don't advice people. I only make them see things from my perspective.

    There is a belief that moments before you die, your whole life flashes in your mind. Many inspirational authors advice people to make sure that, if it happens it should be worth watching. You experience the same if you come across the people from past. Of course, the causes that trigger the memories are not limited just to people, but also to places, things, sounds and most importantly scent. Scent is the most powerful tool to bring back memories of your almost forgotten past. How do you deal with such memories?

    It takes considerable amount of time to build a strong relationship with anyone. But most people may not stay in your life long enough to build a relationship.Socialize, enjoy, part, miss, move on. Many cycles. Parallel cycles. Some leave memories. Some teach lessons. Some change you. But everyone one of them plays their role in creating your past. People enter your present and end up in your past. Beautiful are not those who continue to stay in your present, but beautiful are those who never make you regret for the time you spent with them.  

RETROSPECTION - 2013

        I have never been on a roller coaster. So, I cannot tell if 2013 has been a roller coaster ride for me. Sure, I had my ups and downs. I had moments of ecstasy and spent moments in low spirits too. I experienced the joy of achieving something and also the despair of failure. I have enjoyed the luxury of new entities and also the agony of losing something. There were situations where I overcame my fear and found the courage in me and also there were situations where I succumbed to fear and did not move forward. I have slowly started to say 'NO', but there were occasions where I could not give a 'NO' , even if that was what I wanted to give. There are situations where I fell, but I also got up, gathered myself and moved forward. Sometimes, I was not motivated enough to get up.

        If I am asked to choose one thing that 2013 has taught me, I would say it taught me, " I should be the reason for Everything in my life". If you are not the reason for everything going on in your life, then you are looking at life with a wrong perspective. Very soon you might end up losing control over your life. 2013 taught me that you should be able to cultivate in yourself every emotion you want to experience. And, you should be able to nurture them or destroy them according to your will. In other words, you should be capable of experiencing all the emotions which took birth in you because of external sources, even without those external sources. You should not only be able to encourage them, but if situation demands, you should be able to let go of those emotions. 

        Till 2012, I had complete control over my life. I am not boasting. I am saying it is boring. That year, I completed my studies and joined a company. I have become a regular IT guy. Apart from running two marathons, I don't remember anything special. May be because there is nothing worthwhile to remember. That definitely says it was a boring year. But what was good about 2012 is that, last few days of 2012 triggered a new phase in my life. I started experiencing new sets of emotions and feelings, which I thought were either non-existing or I might never experience. I began to understand myself. I started loving myself. 

        Regarding people, 2013 made me realize two things. People can be the reason for your happiness, but they should never be the sole reason. People come to your life, bring you happiness and then they are bound to leave. Special people are like one of the many passing clouds, that change the climate, by drizzling they sprinkle cool water drops on your face, give you moments of bliss and then move on. Then it gets sunny again, indicating you that the moments have passed by. You can never find happiness in searching for the next cloud that brings you forever rains, instead of tiny showers. You will be spending rest of your life waiting for the clouds to bring you rain. You will be ignoring those tiny showers, because you are busy waiting for abundant rains. Instead, I learnt that, you should start doing things that bring you happiness, rather than searching your happiness in others. I learnt not to waste my time waiting for things to happen. I realized, man can only be happy by keeping himself busy grabbing every opportunity for happiness. If you feel that only others can bring you happiness, you are never going to get it. 

        The other thing I learnt about people is about their deadliest weapon. Any man who makes you feel guilty for which you are not responsible is dangerous. You may not think so, if you knew the motives of the other person. Feelings of guilt can make a man do anything. Nice people are vulnerable to guilt. Make Rama guilty of not obeying his father, he will spent his life in exile for eternity. Bad thing is these people accept guilt even without questioning themselves- Do I deserve to be guilty? So, the dangerous man is the one who can inject you with guilty feeling and make you do whatever he wants you to do. So, think a lot before you feel guilty. Do you deserve it?

        I had explored and traveled a lot compared to previous years. All these experiences taught me something about myself. Here are some of the things I learnt about myself this year

1. I love running

2. I love riding two wheeler (both cycle and bikes)

3. I feel mountains and hills as my home( thanks to trekking)

4. I too am not immune to feelings like love, jealous, envy, etc..

5. I prefer living my life by myself, without any company like family or roommates.

6. I am self motivated, but the dose is to be administered regularly

7. I have a hair loss problem :P

8. I like photography, not in the way of uploading pics in facebook, but play around with camera. Neither a professional nor an amateur. Someone who just loves to click. 

9. I prefer apathy to most of the other emotions (Damn you world!!)

        I had a whole lot of new experiences this year. I traveled places, met people, made friends. I ran three marathons. Visited 4 new places. Read new books. Here is a glimpse of my 2013

February 10: Auroville Marathon

        It was my third marathon overall and my second Auroville Marathon. During the run, I met an old man aged 68. He had already run more than 15 marathons. He started his marathons when he was around 55 yrs. His company during the run truly motivated me to finish the marathon. I generally dont practice for marathons. So, I need lots of determination and motivation to finish it.

Koilsagar 

    Another memorable event in the month of February is the first trek with GHAC. I went to Koilsagar. It was a day and night trek. We camped on the top of a hill- a fort in ruins. I lied down and gazed at the stars. It was after a long time I was looking at stars filled sky. The view was mesmerizing. I was so lost in them that, I didnt knew that rest of the team had a campfire kind of session- without fire though- until they told me the next day. I was gazing at the stars for more than 5 hours. My words fail to depict the scene. So here is a pic, which might give a glimpse of the night sky. And I was looking through the telescope at saturn in the pic.

Star gazing 

In the morning, we all jumped into a nearby lake and you know what we did there :P

April 14: Birthday of Pinky

        This was the first grandly celebrated birthday among we three friends. We ate lots of cake, chicken and ice cream. Actually, April 14th was not her birthday, but we didn't mind changing date to suit our comforts :P

April 20 : Off Road Cycling trip Cholavaram

         This is my first cycling trip. To give you an idea abt the weather, I will tell you this. This trip was on a summer saturday in Chennai. Trip started at 5am and ended at 10pm. We cycled in the hot sun covering a lake, cashew farms and some villages.

                     

June 22: Aravapally 

        This was my first attempt at climbing hills. It was a one day trek . We reached the place by 9 AM and got back to the base of the hill by 5 PM. This simple trek made me realize my interest in treks.

August 25 : Hyderabad Marathon

        This is my First Marathon in Hyderabad and the toughest one so far. It took me lot of effort to finish it. It is at this marathon, I got my first leg injury. I have covered so much of Hyderabad in a single marathon which I didnt cover in bus.

September 21-22 : Nagala Foodie trek 

        This is my first trek with Chennai Trekking Club, previous one being a cycling trip. This was the easiest one so far. All we did was reach the entrance of Nagala forest, cook ( soup, salad, barbeque,etc...) and sleep for the night. We started walking into the forest in the morning. When we reached the pre-determined spot, we cooked breakfast. There was a small pool. We played in it for sometime, came out, cooked our lunch and had a feast. Then we headed back and reached the entrance of the forest by 6 PM. I was back in Chennai by 10 PM.

              

              

             

                               

November 8-11 : Boat ride to Papikondalu and night camp at Kolluru bamboo huts

        This trip was organised by GHAC as part of their GHAC-Travel and Leisure trip. And it IS a leisure trip !!. All we did was eat, play, sleep and enjoy the beautiful nature around us. First a boat ride for 5 hrs with tasty fish for lunch. Then, camp in bamboo huts. Eat chicken and fish for dinner. Camp fire. Sleep. Get up in the morning and play volleyball in sand. Then get into Godavari stream and enjoy the cool water. Get back to huts, get refreshed and again eat fish and chicken. Then return back. All I remembered about the trip is the scenic beauty of Papikondalu and tasty bamboo chicken.

                         

                          

                  

                          

    

December 1 : Chennai Marathon 

        This is my second Wipro Chennai Marathon and 5th overall. I was not sure if I can make it because I put on 5kgs compared to my previous marathon and I didn't practice. And I finished it. With this, I decided to stop full Marathons for a while and run only half marathons.

December 8 : Uncle's marriage 

        At last the long awaited marriage in my home is celebrated grandly. It was memorable because, it was a marriage performed after a gap of 15 years and also an occasion where I get to meet all my cousins, although we missed one. This marriage gave an opportunity for the entire family to gather at a place.

Me, with my cousins and my mother, with her four sisters

December 14-15 : Kondaveedu and Suryalanka beach

        I do not call this trek tough, but the toughest I have done so far. I reached Vijayawada by 1:30 AM and from there to Guntur by 3:30 AM. I met rest of the GHAC trek members and reached Phirangipuram by 6:30 AM. We had breakfast and reached the base of the Kondaveedu fort by 7 AM. Kondaveedu fort was situated on a group of hills. Our goal is to trek the kondaveedu fort and the hills as much as we can and reach the base by 3 PM. But little did we know about the outcome of our decision. One of the locals intimidated us saying that we cannot climb a particular hill. We started with it and climbed it. Then we aimed at second hill. We reached the top of it. We still had time. So we conquered the third hill. We got down the hill by 4:30pm. And when we tried to recollect all the hills we had conquered, we realised that we would not have moved an inch if we were informed earlier about our targets. In one of our organisers, Chandu's words , "the moment you see your destiny in a trek, you will lose interest in the trek ". I agree with him totally. I felt it was more about exploring rather than reaching destinations. 

              

                  

              

                  

                              

                                      

              

                         

       We had our lunch at Guntur and started to Bapatla for our night stay. We stayed at a beach resort. Enjoyed good food and camp fire. We woke up early the next morning at 5 AM. We took a walk along the beach, enchanted by the beautiful sun rise and occasional sightings of dolphins. Later we vacated the resort, had our breakfast and found shelter in a palm leave shed. We then played in the water and then started back to Bapatla for lunch. We reached Guntur by 6pm and our organisers procured us tickets for the movie Hobbit. I enjoyed the movie, although some of the team slept in the theatre. The trip ended with a sweet called "Malpova" brought by chandu. That felt like a fitting end to the trip

             

             

             

             

             

             

            

              
                                            

December 22 : Campus recruitment

        This was a surprise. I went to my own college to help my colleagues in recruiting students for the company. All I was hoping to do was conduct the written test, correct the answer sheets, short list the candidates for interview and leave the venue.

        And I did that. But, not just that. I have interviewed students too. For the first time I had a perspective to look at interviews from the point of view of interviewer. I saw what an interviewer observes in a student. It was never about rich resume - although big companies shortlist you based on resume - it was more about what you are and how can you project yourself honestly. Then the interviewer judges whether he can recruit you or not. I know that honesty doesn't work in placements. But, you need that to make your life at company peaceful. Bluffing now will only put you in trouble at workplace. If your company finds that you are different from what you projected yourself in the interview, you will land in trouble. I have interviewed four people. I only tried to judge them on what they speak and how confident they are on what they speak.

Book Worm

        Apart from travelling, I read many books this year. Here is the list of books I read this year. A short comment on each book I read .

1. Lord Of The Rings : Many events in the book are entirely different from the movie. To say it rightly, they adapted the novel very well to the movie

2. Catcher of the Rye : A short novel which says " Dying for a cause is immaturity, living for one is maturity "

3. Jane Eyre : Story of an orphan girl. Felt like many movies have copied from this novel. 

4. Motor cycle diaries : You know about this book. 

5. Animal farm :  A sattire on social inequality

6. The oath of vayuputras : The last in the Shiva Trilogy. Worst of the three parts

7. The Perks of being a Wallflower : Story of an introvert
8. Karamazov brothers : A story of three brothers in Russia 
9.Life of Pi :  You know about this
10. Nemesis : Typical crime novel
11. Train to Pakistan : Fiction story based in time period of Inda-Pakistan partition

        I wish to read more books next year than this year. But it may not be fulfilled owing to my other wish of reading "A game of fire and Ice". It already has 5 books. 2 more yet to be published. 


No adios, no welcomes. Here comes the abrupt end to the blog . 

P.S : I planned to write one blog each for the places I visited. It just did not happen. In 2014, I try to change this habit.