You call me magic. You say that I am not
natural. You wonder at my death and birth. How do you decide that I am not
natural? How do you decide what is natural and what is not? It is only the
difference in amount of information you have about your birth and my birth. But
what is it that surprises you – my birth or death or their duality? I
am born from my own ashes and it is a spectacle to witness for you. You cannot
explain it and you call it a miracle, So, I am here to let you into my mind and
deconstruct the process that goes on in my mind in creating a visual grandeur
for your eyes (not mine).
Let me begin by putting forward some facts about me. I may
look magical, but I am like any other natural creature. At the same time, it is
not easy being me - self -immolating yourself in a fire you created for
yourself and giving birth to a new you. If this makes me unnatural, then you
are wrong. I, like every other creature, live a normal life and go through all
physical and mental emotions. What you have to know is there is physical
process for the birth of every creature in this world. You have more
information about other creatures than mine. Your lack of information doesn’t make
me unnatural. Moreover, you do not know enough about other creatures to
create a new life by yourself. May be one day your knowledge will evolve and
learn more about my birth.
There is a reason for the birth of every creature in this world
- the physical reason of birth. Let us not get into the theist ideology or so-called
God’s will here, because to do that, first we have to prove our capability of
debating on this topic which is not possible since there are no metrics defined
yet to measure anyone’s capability to discuss about God. But, there can be only
one biological reason for birth, so let us stick to it. We all know female and
male union at appropriate time is the genesis for the birth of a creature. So,
a decision is taken by two creatures and it is implemented. But, in my case it
is different. Since my reason is not same as the reason for normal birth, you
call it magical? You see, I have to take a decision on when to die and be
re-born again. So, for you, it is a decision on when to give birth and for me,
it is a question of when to die. Does it ever come to your mind on why I want
to die and be re-born again? What must be going on in my mind during the whole
process? How many of you actually plan your death?
What would have prompted me to start the fire in first place?
Did I choose to die because I am eager about new life or was I fed up with old
life? Did it ever occur to your mind that my birth may be one of my
unsuccessful attempts to kill myself? These questions are not just about me. If
you think through it, these questions apply to you too – to the phoenix in you.
To all those people who are trying to reinvent yourself or start afresh, you
are also a phoenix, trying to be reborn from the ashes of your past. So, these
are the questions everyone must make an attempt to answer as these questions
define the purpose of phoenix in you. To make this monologue meaningful to you,
let us analyse these ideas from a human’s point of view on what made him or her
reinvent themselves and how they do it.
WHY, HOW AND WHAT?
So, let me begin from the scratch. Why do I have to die or is
it why do I want to die? Everyone has their reasons for wanting a change.
Phoenix rebirth is the Fresh Slate everyone is desperate to get their hands on,
including CatWoman in The Dark Knight Rises. Buy why do you need to start
things afresh? Or why do you need to end current life? What is the problem with
some habits, memories, thoughts, dreams and things from past? Also, does
phoenix start afresh after rebirth? Do I still have memories of my past life
after rebirth or do I take birth like any new born baby?
Let us analyse why you want to stop living the current life.
There can be two reasons why you would like to kill yourself – desire to start
afresh or to stop living current life. Both these reasons are actually
different, though the outcome is same. Let us take a look at it one after the
other.
The desire to start new comes when you realise you can’t
reach your goal with the way things are going currently. You don’t dislike your
current life. It is just that your ultimate goal is important for you. You might
have goals like healthy lifestyle, wealth, fame, etc. that require lifestyle
changes. But what goal can an eternal being like me have? So, you see, a
phoenix dies only if it is done with current life. You become a phoenix when
you have an urge to stop living the current life and reinvent yourself. In the
previous case, your goal made you choose rebirth, but in this case, it is the
current life that is making you choose rebirth. You want to leave the current
life behind and start everything new.
But why do you want to leave your current life behind and
tread into unknown territory where you have no idea how you will turn out to
be? Is it the unfulfilled dreams or the realisation that you set an unrealistic
goal for yourself? I will not list out all the reasons, but you make sure you
know your reasons. Knowing your reasons is very important to proceed towards further
analysis. You need not share your reasons with me. Just keep them at the back
of your mind when you read further. Yes, I know this reminder is not necessary.
I am asking you to remember those reasons that don’t let you sleep for months. But,
always keep in mind that Rebirth is possible only when you become important to
yourself. If you still have things that have higher priority over yourself,
then you are not ready for it.
Now, you have your reasons. But, is rebirth an easy task? Or
is it even a difficult task? Is it actually possible for Man to create
something new? Man never created anything. He just modified nature to his
needs. So, creation is a task which man has never done before. So, how do you
proceed with this task? What? First step is the death? You want to follow the
method of Phoenix? Then, we have to define death. How do we define it? You want
me to define it by drawing parallels with physical death? When you die, you leave
everything at once. One moment you are breathing and you have everything, next
moment your breathing stops and you leave everything. Is it possible to give up everything that you
want to leave behind just like that? There are many things that won’t let you
die, the very things that are the reason for your decision to take a re-birth.
It doesn’t matter how weak your memory, you cannot forget your past so easily.
And it is the past, that you wish to bury, so that you can create future on its
grave. So, how do you bury your past? First, you try to give up every physical
thing that might bring your past back. Physical things are easiest and fastest
to handle. Now you have nothing in your surroundings that remind you of your
past. But the task is not done yet. It is more difficult to forget now since
you are on full focus onto something which you want to forget. That is nature
laughing at your feeble attempts to compete with it in the task of creation. So, how do you lose your memories and
experiences? It is those memories that are driving you to take a rebirth. But
the irony is, they are the same memories that are unwilling to die.
Let me tell
you the secret of killing your memories. You don’t kill memories, they don’t die.
But you do something more brutal. You make them meaningless. They were
meaningful in the past, but not anymore. If you can understand this statement
you will question yourself – Is rebirth actually worth it? You will start
having second thoughts about the whole idea of rebirth. This is the same advice
Jon Snow received when he was told to “Kill the boy”. You make your past
meaningless in the present so that you stop pursuing them and pursue something
more meaningful.
But, how do
you make something meaningless which till recently gave meaning to your life? You
will also be breaking the trust your past has on you. So, how do you do it
without hurting yourself? It is same as me asking how I can take rebirth without
burning myself. There is a way you can achieve it. But it is not applicable for
all cases. You try to create a dis-connect between your past and future. Make
yourself believe that your past, though beautiful will not help you in your
future. Lie to your past. Shed some tears and burn the bridges with your past.
But, what if you have no plans for your future? You are running away from your
past but you do not know what you are running towards. You don’t have an idea
of how your future should be? Most of us are stuck here for the rest of their
lives – bridges burnt in one direction and clueless in another direction. Desire to run away from past and being
clueless on where to go makes us wander aimlessly in the company of our past.
This last statement is the inception of many great arts. All tragic characters
in Shakespeare and Tagore can be explained with this single statement.
Like any business
strategy theory, all looks well on paper and easily achievable. But the
complexity is not revealed unless you implement it. Even the theorists know
this fact and hence they restrict themselves to giving ideas and solutions but
not contribute towards implementing them. This is a fine strategy of making
your past meaningless to move into the future. But how do you do it? There are
many ways and no one can come up with an exhaustive list. You have to follow an
approach which works for you. The easiest and the worst way is to start hating
your past. Once you hate it, it becomes meaningless. Or you can comfort
yourself saying things like, you have to give up something to gain something,
or keep saying yourself that you don’t deserve the past and hence don’t want it
in your future and many more ways to convince yourself. But, keep in mind that how
you burn your bridges will influence your decision on how you want your future
to be. May be someday I will speak in detail about the whole process involved
in burning the bridges. Let me complete this part by telling you a fact about
past. Past haunts.
Now, what do
you do after you make your past meaningless? Where do you start and how do you
start afresh? Also, is it a fresh start? Do I forget everything about my past
when I am reborn or is it just moving into a fresh skin? I will tell you how to
start fresh. It is similar to trying a new dress. First step is to decide the
dress you want to try. You shortlist 2-3, in this case life styles. Try these
life styles, nothing extravagant. Just try to live the life of a normal person.
Remember that you are in a trial room trying out new cloths. Introspect
yourself if you are feeling alive even remotely. If no, then change the dress.
Else stick to it. Now, you have to settle down into that lifestyle – like
getting into the skin of the character. This will take considerable amount of
time. Depending on how well you burnt your bridges this might take months or years.
Once you are comfortable in your cloths, it is time to flaunt them and do your
adventure stuff. You have become a new you.
But, are you happy with your new you? It doesn’t matter since
you don’t have any other option to stay alive. So, do not try to search an
answer for this question. Right question is, are you at peace with your new you.
Like Maslov’s hierarchy of needs, what you want keeps evolving with time and
experiences. When you are kid you wanted to enjoy freedom like an adult, when
you are in your teens you want success, when you are in your youth, you want
happiness and satisfaction. I cannot guarantee if you will achieve all those
which you wished for and worked for, but what I can guarantee you is there is
something you will want in your life for which you will be ready to sacrifice
everything else. And that is Peace! Being re-born is all about achieving this
Peace.
P.S: I have started this blog with an idea of a certain
emotion and wanted to narrate it through Phoenix. But as time evolved, my emotion
evolved and also my circumstances. So, somewhere in the narration, I have
deviated from that emotion because it was part of the bridge. I tried my best
to give it a flow, but if you still see a disconnect, I accept it.
