Series: Into the wild. Chapter 1. Goa : Beaches and Forests

        I have been to many treks, but Goa trek organised by YHAI is a special one. It is a different kind of adventure for me. Trek itself was not an adventure, but reaching the base camp was. I have never travelled alone to any place on my first visit. I always had company. I have never been to Goa. So, reaching base camp in Goa has become an adventure for me. Venturing into a new territory has always been my biggest fear. New territory can be anything; work, art, fun activity, hobby, place, etc.

        I had to travel in three trains to reach Madgao. First train is from Chennai to Bangalore. I reached Bangalore by 5am and went to Anudeep's place. We met after a long time. We had some, as usual, personal conversations. Our work life didnt let us meet frequently. But nothing changed between us. Situations like these make me realise how lucky I am to have such friends. I boarded the train to Hubli at 2 PM and reached by 10PM. By far, Hubli is the most beautiful railway station I have seen. It is clean, spacious and has less human presence.

        My train to Madgao was supposed to depart at 11PM, but departed only after 12AM. I reached my destination after 8 AM - three hours late. Train moved through dense forest like any toy train in a hill station. The scenic beauty was worth getting lost in. For the first time, I didnt curse the train for being late. For a moment, I forgot my fears too. Madgao to basecamp is 40kms. In this journey I found that Goa is green and peaceful. I wondered why this part of Goa is not covered in movies. "Finding Fanny" did it to an extent. The bus I boarded dropped me at the entrance of the street that leads to base camp. But I didnt know that. Google Maps showed youth hostel is 1.5kms away. Moreover, I had to wait for my friend, Abhilash. He would arrive only after 11am. I was skeptical if I will be allowed to go out of the camp once I report at the camp. As the place looked serene, I decided to take a walk. I came across Barista and had coffee. The shop owner was decorating the shop for Christmas and New Year. Whole Goa was in festive mood. 

        I followed Google Maps and ended up in a deserted area. I enquired one of the passers by. He said I have to go back to the place where I came from. I was lucky to get lift in the hot climate. I kept my luggage at reception and roamed around. I, along with Abhilash, reported at the base camp at 12:30PM.

        Inside the tent - allotted to us - there is a mini India. People from Hyderabad, Bangalore, Pune, Delhi and Jammu were there. The guy from Jammu is Anwar ( Special mention because, he is the first person I am meeting who is from J & K). After lunch, me and Abhilash rented a bike and went around the city. Later Anwar bhai joined us. We asked a petrol bunk guy for his advice on what to do if police caught us driving triples. He said " Dont Stop the bike. Shout Happy New Year and keep going". And we did the same!!

       On day 1, we had an early morning warmup followed by rock climbing and Rappelling classes. Though I climbed small rocks during treks, I never tried rock climbing. I was afraid that I might not be able to do it. But the atmosphere was so energetic that I couldn't stop trying. And I did it successfully.

        Trek started with two day walk along the beaches of Goa. Though beaches are filled with tourists and shacks, they are cleaner than beaches in Chennai. I always find ocean to be a serene place to sit and wander in my thoughts. Sitting in the beach at sunset and watch kids playing is the best experience beach can give me. May be a candle light dinner with the loved one in the beach will also be equally blissful. Since it was festival season, our search for fish - at reasonable price - went in vain as the prices were up by more than 10 times . On the second night we stayed at a - supposed to be - haunted house and that is the only night in the whole trip where I had good sleep. 

        Most of the second day of trek I spent in the company of a differently-abled person. I was apprehensive of my ease to communicate with him. But we began to express each other in such a clear manner that the communication was like any other normal conversation. He is an athlete. So I had to put effort to keep pace with him. Eventually, even after taking long breaks in between, we ended up reaching the camp 2 hrs earlier than other participants. 

        Next day we started our journey into the forest - place where I find solitude and inner peace. We began playing music from our phones for some time. "Manali trance" has almost become the theme song of the trek. When I came across the first stream of the day, I changed from shoes to floaters. Water in the stream was crystal clear and cold. Sitting on the bank with bare foot in those waters is called experiencing bliss. If you sit for enough time without disturbing the water flow, you might end up getting a fish spa too. On the whole we came across 5 streams that day and each one was a treat for  both - tired legs and a desperate heart that is in search of some peaceful place to get lost in random thoughts. Once we reached the camp we went for a shower in the stream nearby - the only shower I ( most of the others too) took during the whole trek. I went into the stream and laid myself on the stony water bed resting my head on a stone.Chilly water,  added to a low temperature made it more challenging to lie down. 

        I always thought that I could never come across someone who is like me. People around me find me abnormal. Most of the times what appears normal behaviour to others seems absurd to me, what seems normal to me is weird to others. What other find as fun turns out to be a boring or purposeless task to me. In this trek, I came across someone who thinks like me and more importantly, who experiences things the way I experience. All the treks I have been to, I have not found anyone who tries to experience things the way I experience. I agree, everyone's experience is unique. What was an awesome experience to me turns out to be a trivial experience for others. In a campfire, people talk to each other, play games, etc.. but I prefer to lie back and gaze at the night sky. While most of the people socialise and click pics during trek, I prefer to stay silent and if possible, sit in silence and look at the vast stretch of land spread infront of me. It doesnt mean that I dont socialise, but I prefer silence at some places where most of the people find it apt to socialise. So most of the times people found me weird or a calm personality. In this trek, I find someone else who feels the same. I was happy to find someone to whom I can express my thoughts without speaking. We knew what was going on in each other's mind. We spent lot of time together in silence. But we knew about each other a lot by the end of the trek.

        Another rule we strictly followed was " What happens in the tent, stays in the tent". Trek can take a break at the end of the day, but not fun. There were times when we laughed for no reason. We spent most nights blabbering some useless stuff. It was fun. No, lets speak truth now. Most of us didnt sleep because rest of them were snoring. :P

       Everyday, during the trek, we used to take small breaks. But the last day was worse. We trekked in a dense forest where we couldnt find any place to sit. The trail was so thin that two people couldnt walk side by side. So after straight 9 km walk when we reached the end of trek, people threw their bags and slept on the road. Later, we boarded the bus to base camp.

There are experiences in this trek which I fail to articulate. There are experiences which I can try to articulate. But, this blog is already due for a long time. So, I end it here. 

Notable things in trek: This is a very big list. But I will list only some .

1. shooting stars: Even in thick fog, we didnt give up. He stretched our neck and kept staring at sky until we found a shooting star. And we did.

2.The day after we finished trek, we went in search of pizza. This time google maps didnt ditch me. We really looked like a bunch of people who were starving.

3. Two days of walk along the beaches in GOA. We covered almost 25kms of coastline .

4. lying -almost naked- on stone bed of a stream with cold water. Your body becomes numb, but you still enjoy the pleasure.

5. KFC on the last of trek. Expression of bliss on Hemant's face is priceless.

6. People are amazing. I mean people we have not met before. Special mention to anwar, hemant, harsh(amazing ppl)

7. another special mention to pppunnnnjjjaaaabbbbbiiii akanksha (How Ruuuuudeeee!!!)

8. One more special mention to aanchal, abhilash, praveen, pawan,aditya,bhawna,daksh ( u see i have to give special mention to most of them)

9. I dont want to give any special mention to kiran anna. (spend with him for 30 mins. later every conversation seems dirty )

10. Our Team leader Sudhir ji.. He is wikipedia of old songs.

11. Popli sir and mahesh. Awesome people these two are.
12. Hot gulab jamuns on a cold night in deep forest.

Some visuals from the trek:

Mirage Of Thoughts

    What is the purpose of people in our lives? We meet people daily-some we already met, some we never met, some we might be meeting for the last time and there are a few whose next meeting cant be predicted. People enter our lives- as teammates, as classmates, as colleagues, as competitors, as co-passengers, through mutual friends, accidental encounters, etc. There are many ways through which they enter and different ways through which they leave our lives.

    People enter our lives to play different roles- a friend, a rival, partner, a well wisher, a crush, sibling, relative, etc.. These roles may change over time depending on the interactions we have with one another. It is because of these people and for these people we tend to do undertake many activities. Most importantly, we spend our time and in some cases, build an emotional attachment with them. We slowly move into a situation where we depend on these people, especially for mental and emotional satisfaction. We need these people's approval, praise and jealousy to feed our ego. Some are so deep into this that they prefer possessing things that cause jealousy among others to things they like-even if it is a life partner. Shakespeare said all the world's a stage and these people become the stage. A stage should complement an artist's role, but in this case, it decides the role. I am not complaining. I have not revealed the purpose of bringing this topic up yet. For Example, people who succumb to this kind of peer pressure desire to own a  DSLR and end up taking pictures in auto mode. I accept I am pointing out the extreme cases and that is my intention too. Now, let me explain a casual relation we have with people. You spend time with people. You create memories which you would love to cherish(yes, love to cherish). You make good friends, compatible business partners, you have siblings who miss you when you are not with them. You are happy when you are with people.

    So far was a prologue. What if these people start moving away from your life, in many different ways and for many different reasons? How do you feel if you are not as important to these people as they are to you? You end up with a different emotion and a different conclusion based on the manner in which they leave.

    Death - the only way in which people can leave you and never come back into your life again. You miss them and you can do nothing about it except move on.You blame god for their absence in your life and if you are an atheist, you don't even have that option. Stories that end without a conclusion are the most disturbing ones and death gives you one such end. You attempt to give a conclusion to it.You try to reason yourself with that conclusion. But you know it doesn't help. We eventually learn that life is not a fairy tale. If the person is very dear to you, you feel a void in you that is sucking rest of you into it, leading you into a depression. You feel your suffering is not justified. But there is no place for justice in such endings. Justice is better left to stories.

    People who have come together to achieve something will have to part after accomplishing the task. It is inevitable. When they are together, they develop a bond with each other. Once they part, some will continue to stay in the same locality while others may move to far off places. Thanks to social networking sites, distance is never an issue if you want to keep in touch with someone. Generally these kinds of partings start with a celebration. We know, we will miss them, but we also know that we will have to move on if we have to chase our dreams. But not everyone makes an attempt at keeping in touch with others. There are people who get in touch with you at least once in a week. On the other hand, there are people who merely respond to you, but never make an attempt by themselves to get in touch with you or even drop a birthday message. How many people in your Facebook friends list drop birthday wishes on your wall? But, these are the same people with whom you, once upon a time, celebrated birthdays, attended parties, shared your problems, debated over issues, etc.. What could be the reason for which they ignore you? Leave it. Its not my concern. But the question is : How does it feel whenever you recollect the past you shared with them? You can say this issue is not worth discussing as people move on and I too should move on. Of course, I agree that it is the eventual conclusion of every discussion here. Also, is moving on so easy? If only it were so, there would have be no Shakespeare and no Tagore.

    And then, there is another breed of people. These are your friends and who come across you regularly. Whenever and wherever you meet, there is a high probability of having a coffee with them. But then, those coffees disappear as time progresses. Then comes a stage where your conversations don't last even a minute. By the time the tree changes its leaves, you barely manage to exchange smiles. The final stage is where you both end up as strangers. Isn't it supposed to be a journey from stranger to friend? Why is it the other way?

    The general reason given for it is because you have been dropped down in their priorities list, there is a change in behavior pattern. Another reason might be there was no friendship in first place, only acquaintance. You spent time together due to external reasons. And some people tend to fake their role seriously and try to add some of their own flavor to it.

People wear the mask of friend instead of being one for two reasons:

1. To create a fake profile to the world, that they are friendly creatures. I am an introvert. So, I never dared being friendly with anyone for any reason other than my wish to make friends. What do people gain by projecting themselves as a friendly personalities when they don't want to be friends? Is it a desire to acquire a tag as "friendly" in their social circle? This direction of thought will lead to where I started this- depending on people to tell who we are or pretending to be something we are not, so the world builds you a fake but glorious profile for others to see and admire. Or is it that they don't know the difference between a friend and an acquaintance?

2. They need you. People who do not love themselves cant stay alone for a long time. They need people around them, sometimes just to prove that they exist. They cant go out by themselves and have a cup of coffee. They need(not want) company. So, they put the needed effort to make you feel that they are treating you as a friend. But, when times comes to move on, you are replaced by some one else.

    Everyone in your life fits into one of the above categories. But, apart from the above mentioned, there are another kind of people who stand for true meaning of a friend. It doesn't matter when you meet them or how rarely you meet them, they will always be there for you. Weeds are seasonal, but trees are everlasting. I have friends whom I meet often and some whom I seldom meet. But whenever me meet, it is as if nothing has changed between us. Cherish them as long as you can and never lose them.But the trick is, you feel most of the people around you come under this category. But is it really so? As long as these people are in your life, you cannot differentiate them without growing a suspicious mind. You can choose either of the two options. Take life as it comes, people come and go and you remain with memories.  Or grow a suspicion, move away from people whose memories are not worth your time.

    But, life is not as simple as I make it sound like. Everyone we meet cannot be a friend. You don't get to choose what kind of people you should meet and more importantly, you cannot decide who should stay in your life.

    My intention is not to point out a may or may not exist problem and provide a solution to it. My concern is about the people around you and what they do in your life, not what you should be doing with them. I don't advice people. I only make them see things from my perspective.

    There is a belief that moments before you die, your whole life flashes in your mind. Many inspirational authors advice people to make sure that, if it happens it should be worth watching. You experience the same if you come across the people from past. Of course, the causes that trigger the memories are not limited just to people, but also to places, things, sounds and most importantly scent. Scent is the most powerful tool to bring back memories of your almost forgotten past. How do you deal with such memories?

    It takes considerable amount of time to build a strong relationship with anyone. But most people may not stay in your life long enough to build a relationship.Socialize, enjoy, part, miss, move on. Many cycles. Parallel cycles. Some leave memories. Some teach lessons. Some change you. But everyone one of them plays their role in creating your past. People enter your present and end up in your past. Beautiful are not those who continue to stay in your present, but beautiful are those who never make you regret for the time you spent with them.  

RETROSPECTION - 2013

        I have never been on a roller coaster. So, I cannot tell if 2013 has been a roller coaster ride for me. Sure, I had my ups and downs. I had moments of ecstasy and spent moments in low spirits too. I experienced the joy of achieving something and also the despair of failure. I have enjoyed the luxury of new entities and also the agony of losing something. There were situations where I overcame my fear and found the courage in me and also there were situations where I succumbed to fear and did not move forward. I have slowly started to say 'NO', but there were occasions where I could not give a 'NO' , even if that was what I wanted to give. There are situations where I fell, but I also got up, gathered myself and moved forward. Sometimes, I was not motivated enough to get up.

        If I am asked to choose one thing that 2013 has taught me, I would say it taught me, " I should be the reason for Everything in my life". If you are not the reason for everything going on in your life, then you are looking at life with a wrong perspective. Very soon you might end up losing control over your life. 2013 taught me that you should be able to cultivate in yourself every emotion you want to experience. And, you should be able to nurture them or destroy them according to your will. In other words, you should be capable of experiencing all the emotions which took birth in you because of external sources, even without those external sources. You should not only be able to encourage them, but if situation demands, you should be able to let go of those emotions. 

        Till 2012, I had complete control over my life. I am not boasting. I am saying it is boring. That year, I completed my studies and joined a company. I have become a regular IT guy. Apart from running two marathons, I don't remember anything special. May be because there is nothing worthwhile to remember. That definitely says it was a boring year. But what was good about 2012 is that, last few days of 2012 triggered a new phase in my life. I started experiencing new sets of emotions and feelings, which I thought were either non-existing or I might never experience. I began to understand myself. I started loving myself. 

        Regarding people, 2013 made me realize two things. People can be the reason for your happiness, but they should never be the sole reason. People come to your life, bring you happiness and then they are bound to leave. Special people are like one of the many passing clouds, that change the climate, by drizzling they sprinkle cool water drops on your face, give you moments of bliss and then move on. Then it gets sunny again, indicating you that the moments have passed by. You can never find happiness in searching for the next cloud that brings you forever rains, instead of tiny showers. You will be spending rest of your life waiting for the clouds to bring you rain. You will be ignoring those tiny showers, because you are busy waiting for abundant rains. Instead, I learnt that, you should start doing things that bring you happiness, rather than searching your happiness in others. I learnt not to waste my time waiting for things to happen. I realized, man can only be happy by keeping himself busy grabbing every opportunity for happiness. If you feel that only others can bring you happiness, you are never going to get it. 

        The other thing I learnt about people is about their deadliest weapon. Any man who makes you feel guilty for which you are not responsible is dangerous. You may not think so, if you knew the motives of the other person. Feelings of guilt can make a man do anything. Nice people are vulnerable to guilt. Make Rama guilty of not obeying his father, he will spent his life in exile for eternity. Bad thing is these people accept guilt even without questioning themselves- Do I deserve to be guilty? So, the dangerous man is the one who can inject you with guilty feeling and make you do whatever he wants you to do. So, think a lot before you feel guilty. Do you deserve it?

        I had explored and traveled a lot compared to previous years. All these experiences taught me something about myself. Here are some of the things I learnt about myself this year

1. I love running

2. I love riding two wheeler (both cycle and bikes)

3. I feel mountains and hills as my home( thanks to trekking)

4. I too am not immune to feelings like love, jealous, envy, etc..

5. I prefer living my life by myself, without any company like family or roommates.

6. I am self motivated, but the dose is to be administered regularly

7. I have a hair loss problem :P

8. I like photography, not in the way of uploading pics in facebook, but play around with camera. Neither a professional nor an amateur. Someone who just loves to click. 

9. I prefer apathy to most of the other emotions (Damn you world!!)

        I had a whole lot of new experiences this year. I traveled places, met people, made friends. I ran three marathons. Visited 4 new places. Read new books. Here is a glimpse of my 2013

February 10: Auroville Marathon

        It was my third marathon overall and my second Auroville Marathon. During the run, I met an old man aged 68. He had already run more than 15 marathons. He started his marathons when he was around 55 yrs. His company during the run truly motivated me to finish the marathon. I generally dont practice for marathons. So, I need lots of determination and motivation to finish it.

Koilsagar 

    Another memorable event in the month of February is the first trek with GHAC. I went to Koilsagar. It was a day and night trek. We camped on the top of a hill- a fort in ruins. I lied down and gazed at the stars. It was after a long time I was looking at stars filled sky. The view was mesmerizing. I was so lost in them that, I didnt knew that rest of the team had a campfire kind of session- without fire though- until they told me the next day. I was gazing at the stars for more than 5 hours. My words fail to depict the scene. So here is a pic, which might give a glimpse of the night sky. And I was looking through the telescope at saturn in the pic.

Star gazing 

In the morning, we all jumped into a nearby lake and you know what we did there :P

April 14: Birthday of Pinky

        This was the first grandly celebrated birthday among we three friends. We ate lots of cake, chicken and ice cream. Actually, April 14th was not her birthday, but we didn't mind changing date to suit our comforts :P

April 20 : Off Road Cycling trip Cholavaram

         This is my first cycling trip. To give you an idea abt the weather, I will tell you this. This trip was on a summer saturday in Chennai. Trip started at 5am and ended at 10pm. We cycled in the hot sun covering a lake, cashew farms and some villages.

                     

June 22: Aravapally 

        This was my first attempt at climbing hills. It was a one day trek . We reached the place by 9 AM and got back to the base of the hill by 5 PM. This simple trek made me realize my interest in treks.

August 25 : Hyderabad Marathon

        This is my First Marathon in Hyderabad and the toughest one so far. It took me lot of effort to finish it. It is at this marathon, I got my first leg injury. I have covered so much of Hyderabad in a single marathon which I didnt cover in bus.

September 21-22 : Nagala Foodie trek 

        This is my first trek with Chennai Trekking Club, previous one being a cycling trip. This was the easiest one so far. All we did was reach the entrance of Nagala forest, cook ( soup, salad, barbeque,etc...) and sleep for the night. We started walking into the forest in the morning. When we reached the pre-determined spot, we cooked breakfast. There was a small pool. We played in it for sometime, came out, cooked our lunch and had a feast. Then we headed back and reached the entrance of the forest by 6 PM. I was back in Chennai by 10 PM.

              

              

             

                               

November 8-11 : Boat ride to Papikondalu and night camp at Kolluru bamboo huts

        This trip was organised by GHAC as part of their GHAC-Travel and Leisure trip. And it IS a leisure trip !!. All we did was eat, play, sleep and enjoy the beautiful nature around us. First a boat ride for 5 hrs with tasty fish for lunch. Then, camp in bamboo huts. Eat chicken and fish for dinner. Camp fire. Sleep. Get up in the morning and play volleyball in sand. Then get into Godavari stream and enjoy the cool water. Get back to huts, get refreshed and again eat fish and chicken. Then return back. All I remembered about the trip is the scenic beauty of Papikondalu and tasty bamboo chicken.

                         

                          

                  

                          

    

December 1 : Chennai Marathon 

        This is my second Wipro Chennai Marathon and 5th overall. I was not sure if I can make it because I put on 5kgs compared to my previous marathon and I didn't practice. And I finished it. With this, I decided to stop full Marathons for a while and run only half marathons.

December 8 : Uncle's marriage 

        At last the long awaited marriage in my home is celebrated grandly. It was memorable because, it was a marriage performed after a gap of 15 years and also an occasion where I get to meet all my cousins, although we missed one. This marriage gave an opportunity for the entire family to gather at a place.

Me, with my cousins and my mother, with her four sisters

December 14-15 : Kondaveedu and Suryalanka beach

        I do not call this trek tough, but the toughest I have done so far. I reached Vijayawada by 1:30 AM and from there to Guntur by 3:30 AM. I met rest of the GHAC trek members and reached Phirangipuram by 6:30 AM. We had breakfast and reached the base of the Kondaveedu fort by 7 AM. Kondaveedu fort was situated on a group of hills. Our goal is to trek the kondaveedu fort and the hills as much as we can and reach the base by 3 PM. But little did we know about the outcome of our decision. One of the locals intimidated us saying that we cannot climb a particular hill. We started with it and climbed it. Then we aimed at second hill. We reached the top of it. We still had time. So we conquered the third hill. We got down the hill by 4:30pm. And when we tried to recollect all the hills we had conquered, we realised that we would not have moved an inch if we were informed earlier about our targets. In one of our organisers, Chandu's words , "the moment you see your destiny in a trek, you will lose interest in the trek ". I agree with him totally. I felt it was more about exploring rather than reaching destinations. 

              

                  

              

                  

                              

                                      

              

                         

       We had our lunch at Guntur and started to Bapatla for our night stay. We stayed at a beach resort. Enjoyed good food and camp fire. We woke up early the next morning at 5 AM. We took a walk along the beach, enchanted by the beautiful sun rise and occasional sightings of dolphins. Later we vacated the resort, had our breakfast and found shelter in a palm leave shed. We then played in the water and then started back to Bapatla for lunch. We reached Guntur by 6pm and our organisers procured us tickets for the movie Hobbit. I enjoyed the movie, although some of the team slept in the theatre. The trip ended with a sweet called "Malpova" brought by chandu. That felt like a fitting end to the trip

             

             

             

             

             

             

            

              
                                            

December 22 : Campus recruitment

        This was a surprise. I went to my own college to help my colleagues in recruiting students for the company. All I was hoping to do was conduct the written test, correct the answer sheets, short list the candidates for interview and leave the venue.

        And I did that. But, not just that. I have interviewed students too. For the first time I had a perspective to look at interviews from the point of view of interviewer. I saw what an interviewer observes in a student. It was never about rich resume - although big companies shortlist you based on resume - it was more about what you are and how can you project yourself honestly. Then the interviewer judges whether he can recruit you or not. I know that honesty doesn't work in placements. But, you need that to make your life at company peaceful. Bluffing now will only put you in trouble at workplace. If your company finds that you are different from what you projected yourself in the interview, you will land in trouble. I have interviewed four people. I only tried to judge them on what they speak and how confident they are on what they speak.

Book Worm

        Apart from travelling, I read many books this year. Here is the list of books I read this year. A short comment on each book I read .

1. Lord Of The Rings : Many events in the book are entirely different from the movie. To say it rightly, they adapted the novel very well to the movie

2. Catcher of the Rye : A short novel which says " Dying for a cause is immaturity, living for one is maturity "

3. Jane Eyre : Story of an orphan girl. Felt like many movies have copied from this novel. 

4. Motor cycle diaries : You know about this book. 

5. Animal farm :  A sattire on social inequality

6. The oath of vayuputras : The last in the Shiva Trilogy. Worst of the three parts

7. The Perks of being a Wallflower : Story of an introvert
8. Karamazov brothers : A story of three brothers in Russia 
9.Life of Pi :  You know about this
10. Nemesis : Typical crime novel
11. Train to Pakistan : Fiction story based in time period of Inda-Pakistan partition

        I wish to read more books next year than this year. But it may not be fulfilled owing to my other wish of reading "A game of fire and Ice". It already has 5 books. 2 more yet to be published. 


No adios, no welcomes. Here comes the abrupt end to the blog . 

P.S : I planned to write one blog each for the places I visited. It just did not happen. In 2014, I try to change this habit.

  

Meaningless

        I have grown desperate to write. Something. Yesterday, I came to library with the sole purpose of reading and writing. But I couldnt read beyond  pages and didnt write a single word. My mind stopped functioning. I tried hard to think of a topic to write something about. But I couldnt come up with one. So, today  I decided not to think of any particular topic to write about. I just want my pen to keep moving and the ink flowing. So, I am writing down everything that is going on in my mind - any thought or ideas. So, sometimes I might write two sentences that are totally irrelevant to each other. This part of my writing doesnt speak of any particular idea or thought. It is just a photocopy of whatever is going on in my mind now.  I might lose track of what I was thinking when I try to articulate sentences in a meaningful way. So, this writing might as well end up being a meaningless piece of literature. The only gaps I take in between are when I give rest to my hands. I write and then type. Speed with which I type and I think dont match. So, most of the times I end up losing my thoughts if I type. So, I prefer writing. Later, when I am at leisure I might type it and post it somewhere.
Posting something reminds me of my blog and the pending articles I was supposed to write. If I remember correctly, there are three articles pending - one on a trek with GHAC, another on a cycling trip with CTC and another on my trip to tirupati.
I give a break to my hands from writing and look at my locket. Is it a Yin-Yan symbol made of stone bought at Mahabalipuram. Many thoughts are flowing into my mind and many questions to ponder over.
Yin-Yan is a symbol of duality which says opposites dont oppose but compliment eachother. It also says everything has something quite opposite to its character in it. Hence you see a dark spot in white part of the symbol and a white dot in the dark part of symbol.
So, even if are a good person, you have a dark side inside you - sometimes hidden from others - which you are afraid to reveal to the world. It (dark spot) is well hidden from all sides by the white( your virtue). That dark spot can be anything - your past, your obsession with something. There is a very less chance that others knew about this dark spot of yours. And you are always afraid that people might come to know about it - especially if it is your past, which you cannot change. You do not want to reveal it to the world, but you might feel like telling about it to your dear ones. Because, one day, they might know your past and leave you. But will they forgive you for your past? What if your past is unforgiveable? You can easily forgive a crime, but not a sin. Everytime you think of your dark past, you hate yourself. You couldnt forgive yourself. You suffer agony for committing a sin - a sin which you cannot reveal to anyone, not even to your dear ones - for you are afraid of losing them. The only person who can forgive you is the person who has the same past and thinks about it the same way. Not even you can forgive yourself. Past is not just a story - a haunting reality that gives you nightmares.
What is the relation between sex and love? Regarding this topic I am totally disinclined towards taking any lectures from scriptures which have been manipulated since centuries. What are the necessary traits of a person who thinks he or she can have sex only with the person whom they love? This is a person who, even trying his or her best , cannot proceed to have sex with a person whom they dont love.
What are the necessary traits of a person who says that you can have sex with whomever you like but you will always love only one person in life? What makes him or her detach sex from love? Or why is there a relation between sex and love?
Indra was cursed for having sex with the wife of a rishi and he doesnt even love her. We can strike him off from the discussion by tagging him as a sex maniac. But doesnt sex maniacs fall in love? How do you define a person who says " I love only you and I would sacrifice my life for you, but I will not stop having sex with others" ?
And when you say  that your partner cannot have sex with anyone else other than you, are you not putting restrictions on their freedom?
What is the role of marriage in sex and love? What is a marriage? For me, its nothing but an approval from the society to have sex with the person whom you marry. Why do we need society's permission to live with a partner? All you need is your partner's acceptance. And why do I need society's permission if I dont want to live with my partner anymore? As said in a song " marzi se jeene ki bhi mein kya tum sab ko arzi du. Matlab ki tum sabka mujh pe mujh se bhi zyada haq hai "
Got a phone call. Lost track of all my thoughts.
You can never know what a person can do and what a person cant. You judge a person's capability by his or her previous actions you know of. But how can you take into consideration about his or her actions which you are not aware of? How reliable is your judgement which is based on facts you know but doesnt take into consideration the facts you have never heard of? To what extext can you go to help someone and to what extent can you go to forgive someone?
The fan is not working. I am sweating and I am hungry. But I am desperate to write.
I have a story in mind. I wanted to write a book on it. But then another story came into my mind. I wanted to write a movie script on it. But I couldnt begin neither of them. I am ashamed of my lack of dedication. Hence this desperation to write something - eventhough meaningless.
Theme of the book I wanted to write is " The only entity that is worth fighting for and dying for is a woman" Because eveything else can be made by man. Woman is what a man can desire for but cannot create it. Many men in history realised this.  Hence many battles fought and fortunes lost. They knew kingdoms can be won again and wealth can be earned. But there can never be a second woman who can make your heartbeat skip. If you are accusing me of objectifying woman, wait till I finish the book.